Time To Wander and Rest

     Two more sleeps til I bid farewell, to spaces and faces and the comfort of familiarity. I have run myself ragged over the last six weeks or so, trying to prepare for something that for the most part can't be prepared for, and I even know it can't be prepared for. Alas, the earthy-being inside of me wants some roots so I have made it a home, albeit a mobile one. The Tauren in me wants a plan so I have given her some basic structure and am also reminding her that there is hard work to be done ahead, she likes that kind of thing. The adventurer in me is anxious, anxious to get on the road and be free and run and play and find new things and meet new people and generally frolic. I see her as a hummingbird in a cage, it's a nice cage, she is well fed and loved and all her needs are met. Almost.

     So today I did all the things, I ran around to all the places and collected all the important trappings and put finishing touches on my new little cave and basically did what has come to feel normal, rushing rushing rushing. At which point I took a deep breath, and realized I hadn't taken one all day.

It . Is . Time . To . Slow . Down .

     And so I shall, more yoga, better food, more love, more breathing, more writing, more time, more space. Less ego, less anxiety, less shame. As the northern hemisphere sits solidly in the middle of autumn, sits solidly in the season of preparation for quiet and rest, I need to remember to do the same. While it may feel counter intuitive to strike out on a grand adventure right as the earth starts to close her sleepy eyes I must remember that I too am preparing for rest. In order to rest I need the space. The space away from everything and everyone, even those I love the most. I need to go find quiet and learn how to be still. I have always needed this independence, this knowledge that I could be self-sustained, self-sufficient, I do long for a partner to share that with but I also need to be able to do it myself. Just as last year I went travelling alone because it could no longer wait, I will strike out on this venture alone because I cannot wait for someone else to do it with. I will go make all my dreams realities on my own if I have to, though I hope I don't, some of my dreams include another soul, or many other souls.

     I sometimes struggle with this yearning for partnership (the independent in me is very empowered and likes to be able to go it alone) for it seems silly to wish for one more thing when I have so much. I think it is a very human thing to want companionship. We all long for our tribe, our family, our place in the community. I hope that this journey will help bring me closer to them. Or perhaps bring me closer to the space where I can gather the ones I've already found close around me and we can start to find some balance, some harmony and some peace.

All my love dreamers,

Alex